Tag: Happy

Dating Advice–How To Avoid The Scarcity Trap–(Date Happily)


 What Is It

The scarcity trap is when you believe that there is a limited supply of possible partners. You act on that belief by thinking you have to take what you can get or be alone.  In other words, you SETTLE for less. And let’s face it–expect less and you get less.

What Was It Like For Diane

I live in Fairfield, Iowa-a small town of 10,000 in the heartland of America. When I did start to date many years after my divorce, I realized that I was not finding a match. I started to worry and think that maybe I should not be so fussy.  The next man I dated was “cute and nice” but his vision for the future was so different from mine it was ridiculous. Don’t be so fussy I told myself.  I decided to make the best of what this man did offer and spent 6-8 months of my time with him, knowing I would eventually not be fulfilled in this relationship. It wasn’t his fault–it was mine–I settled. Eventually I was “in the way” of the direction his life was moving and he broke up with me. Ouch, Ouch, Ouch!

How Diane Got Out Of The Scarcity Trap

I was mortified and mad at myself for settling.  I took a long hard look at why I let this happen.  I read books, worked with a coach and attended workshops. This allowed me to become real clear about my purpose, my vision and what I valued in my ideal relationship.  I made up my mind and found a support system to ensure that I held to my commitment not to settle, even in this small Midwest town.  It worked-I met the love of my life-Lewis.

To stay out of the Scarcity Trap say NO to what you don’t want so you are ready and available for the YES.  There is a person for you and you are worthy!


Diane and Lewis





Madly In Love Forever » For Singles 2012-09-10 16:23:36



Four weeks from today, I will be leaving the peace and quiet of Fairfield, IA (population 10,000), to give six workshops in six days.  I am looking to connect with three groups of people: men, women and couples (did I leave anyone out?). 

One of the workshops is geared exclusively for men, The Power of Presence and Choice.   Let’s face it men, we are the weaker sex and I want to help us check up to the women on this planet.

  • Syracuse, NY on Tuesday, October 9, 7:30pm, CNY Healing Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Wednesday, October 10, 7:30pm, Albany area location TBA
  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 1pm, The Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

The second workshop is for men and women, Responsible Speaking, Effective Listening for Deeper Relationships.   In my humble opinion, everyone can benefit from clearer communication.

  • Syracuse, NY on Monday, October 8, 7:30pm, CNY Healing Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Thursday, October 11, 7:30pm, Unity Church. 21 King Avenue, Albany, NY 12206

Finally, my week on the road culminates with a workshop for committed couples, Rituals for Intimacy.  Even couples who are Madly In Love Forever will discover a few tricks for nurturing their precious connection.

  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 8pm, The Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

I am looking forward to making new friends and re-uniting with old friends.  Although I will only be visiting three cities on this trip, I do plan to visit all fifty states of this great country by the end of 2013.

If you are live near these cities and want to invite me to speak at your group, please call me at 800-639-4505.

Do you want to know about other events near you? Then join this blog list, if you are not already on it.


All the best,

Lewis Denbaum

Relationship Success Expert/Author/Educator/Motivational Speaker

1848 Prairie Rose Circle

Fairfield, IA 52556


www. MadlyInLoveForever.com




” I’m Not Dating, So Why Should I Take a Conscious Dating® Course?”



You have no idea how often we hear this.  We’ve concluded that we’ve fallen short in explaining the purpose of our Self-Discovery and Ready course.  So here we go.

Dating, like most activities in life, can be improved with education. Our Self-Discovery and Readiness course and its unique approach is ideal PREPARATION for dating.  Actually the perfect time for our course is when you are NOT dating.  Then when you feel the urge to start dating, you will be confident, know what you want and how to get it.  Doesn’t it make sense to take swimming lessons before you jump in the pool?  We’d much rather be your swimming instructors than your life guard/rescuer.


It’s Happening Tonight…For Singles Only

If you are single and looking for the love of your life-your soulmate-then please join us for our FREE Teleclass: Introduction To Conscious Dating.

It’s TONIGHT!   Thursday, September 1 at 8pm EST.  Here is the call in number  314-814-8004  094200#

Here we are for 50 seconds.    Sept 1st Intro to Conscious Dating

Please join us TONIGHT single people of all ages and genders!!


Conscious Dating is a registered trademark of the Relationship Coaching Institute.




Sometimes You Just Have To Eat Cooked Food

I know this is a relationship blog! And with that said here goes.  One of our associates is a “raw foodist.” I do wonder how people can live on only raw food but that’s another story. One day he told us that he does “cheat” now and again. He gives in to cooked Indian food now and again. I can’t blame him!

Last night I could not, for the life of me, practice what I suggest to my coaching clients: see everything as an opportunity. What do I mean? I sat with Lewis and just spewed out a big list of things that “I am not happy about, or are not fair, or are hard to do.” I was on a roll!!

Suddenly I thought of Bill and his occassional cooked meal. That’s what I did last night-I had a cooked meal. My cooked meal was “a complaining smorgesboard”

Today I’m back on raw food. In other words back on track: seeing everything as an opportunity.  Life is good, it is what it is, I am grateful and moving forward. Matter of fact in about a half hour I’m off for a swim!

Bill tells me it feels good to eat cooked food now and again. In the same way it  feels so good to flow with the “off days” and then get back on the living and loving life train to the best of my ability.

Hope you get my drift!!

Special Summer Conscious Dating Teleclass For Women-Finding Love After 40

Many single women 40 and over  that I speak  with have questions and challenges about dating at this time life.

I will be hosting a specal summer teleclass called “Conscious Dating For Women 40 and over. For details please click on this link. www.MadlyInLoveForeverForSingles.com/readiness-seminar-women

 Choosing to do this class could be the beginning of something new and exciting for you.

Conscious Dating is a registered trademark of the Relationship Coaching Institute.


Something besides a text…..

I am sitting here in our living room and in walks my 25 year old daughter. “What should I blog about?” I ask her. She finishes drinking her water and here is what she says.

“Talk about the importance of appreciation. I know so many girls that would rather find a napkin with a love note or a flower rather than receive a text message.  I know one thing-I and many of my friends love when someone wants to spend quality time with us. It’s so valuable-way more valuable than money could ever be.”

This made me think that maybe the new generation is missing some of what we in the older generation grew up with. So leave a note, a flower, take time for a walk…something other than a text.  I’m so glad I asked my daughter what to blog about!

The Value Of Vows

I, a Catholic, will be celebrating my sixth Passover with my husband Lewis.  Lewis’ tradition for celebrating Passover is kind of like the Christmas season condensed into one week. The entire kitchen– pots, pans and dishes– changes; the refrigerator gets emptied out completely to make way for the special Passover foods; there’s tons of baking and cooking.  Lewis happily prepares for the Passover seder and the eight days of Passover at our home are joyful, loving and heartwarming.

When we were dating Lewis invited me to a Passover seder and told me all that he did to prepare for it. He shared his love for this holy tradition and said that he would do it this way forever and it was important that his partner agree to do this with him.

When it came time for the “I do” we both made a vow to honor each other’s religious traditions and join in as much as possible.

So I have a secret to share. Our schedules this year are busier than ever. There is a part of me that wanted to suggest that we simply join in with the synagogue festivities and not do the Passover seder at our home.

Why didn’t I make this suggestion? Because when I said yes to marrying Lewis, I made a vow. I knew what Passover would look like.   

So I made the shift in my mindset.  I asked myself, “What did I need so I could be as happy as usual about honoring my vow to Lewis?”  I needed help with the spring cleanup that is part of the holiday preparations.  I enlisted the help of my daughter and nephew for those chores.  Now I am excited above the Passover holiday and can be fully supportive for Lewis. While sitting at the Passover seder this year, joyously celebrating with family and friends, I will feel a deep sense of contentment, knowing that I honored my vow.

Why “Madly In Love Forever” Is Needed

There are more single people today than ever in history- 101 million in the U.S., 46% of the adult population (37.5 million/28% in 1970)
Over 25% of households are single occupant households (17% in 1970)
53% of households are married couples (70% in 1970)
The marriage rate is decreasing, and is at its lowest in 30 years
The divorce rate has remained stable since 1988
While the exact divorce rate is a matter of debate, experts agree that somewhere between 40 and 60% of all marriages will end in divorce, and that for every marriage there is about one divorce
Co-habitation is increasing, with a higher failure rate than marriage
Single, separated, divorced or widowed people have higher rates of mental health disorders, depression, and suicide
The percentage of young adults who say that having a good marriage is extremely important to them is increasing (94% in one study)
The majority of first-born children are now conceived by, or born to, unmarried parents
Half of all children will spend some time in a single parent family
43% of first marriages end within 15 years
39% of remarriages end within 10 years
More than 85% of all adults marry at least once

A summary of a 1999 study by David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of the National Marriage Project of Rutgers University on “The State Of Our Unions: The Social Health Of Marriage in America” states:

“Key social indicators suggest a substantial weakening of the institution of marriage. Americans have become less likely to marry. When they do marry their marriages are less happy. And married couples face a high likelihood of divorce. Over the past four decades, marriage has declined as the first living together experience for couples and as a status of parenthood. Unmarried cohabitation and unwed births have grown enormously, and so has the percentage of children who grow up in fragile families.”

U.S. Census Bureau http://www.census.gov/
SmartMarriages www.smartmarriages.com
National Marriage Project http://marriage.rutgers.edu/state.html
American Association For Single People http://www.unmarriedamerica.com/

The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating

The fourth principle of conscious dating is: Balance Your Heart With Your Head.

Make your relationship choices consciously.  When you experience chemistry with someone, it is like an irresistible magnetic force that causes you to leap eagerly into a relationship.  While chemistry and attraction are important for a sustainable relationship, it is just as important to experience these feelings while staying in touch with reality. 

*Conscious Dating is a registered trademark of Relationship Coaching Institute.