Tag: Happy Relationship

Relationships And Divorce ( sad stuff )

Today two friends of mine posted a precious picture of them with their new granddaughter. Many years ago they divorced and to see them together with this bundle of joy made me feel sad and happy and think–darn- why do people have to divorce.

So to those of you not married yet-I say PLEASE think about what you are doing before you take this monumental step. Make sure you understand and know your requirements, needs, your values and that you have some vision for your future and that the person you are with is in alignment with that.

I think the people on this planet would be happier if there were less divorces.   Blessings to all.


Dating Advice-Avoid The Fairy Tale Trap-(Date Consciously)


What Is It

The fairy tale trap is when you expect your ideal partner to magically appear without any effort on your part. And then you believe that you both will live happily ever after. A person in this trap is saying—“if I am meant to meet someone, they will just appear.”

What We See In Our Practice

Although we were not caught in this trap, we encounter people caught in this dating trap in our coaching practice. Frequently it shows up couched in New Age terminology such as “everything is in divine order.” Even people who believe that everything is in divine order take action to improve their life, such as exercising, eating properly and improving their educational skills. We are not advocating stressing out or straining, we are merely recommending taking steps in the direction of your desire to change yoiur dating destiny and have love.

How To Get Out Of The Fairy Tale Trap

Take personal responsibility for what you want in your life and relationship. Become proactive instead of sitting back in La La Land. Think about what steps you can take to increase your chances of meeting someone–and then take those steps. Change some of your habits to mix things up a bit. For example, go to a different coffee shop at a different time. This piece of advice will definitely get you out of the Fairy Tale trap—your thoughts lead to action, action leads to achievement and achievement leads to fulfillment and happier dating.

All the best,

Diane and Lewis


The Marketing Dating Trap-What Is It-Learn More About the Marketing Dating Trap (Avoid It Now)

1.       WHAT IS IT

In the marketing trap you believe that you need to make yourself more appealing and “sell” yourself with an attractive packaging or presentation. The bottom line and the sad thing here is you have told yourself that you cannot be yourself. The risk: disappointment, anger and relationship failure.


Diane talks about the Marketing Trap.  I could write a book on the time I have spent in this trap! I probably could have won saleswoman of the year award! 

 Here are a few examples of the things I did to make myself more appealing. 

  •    I was overly agreeable.
  •    I rarely expressed an opinion. My line was “I don’t care, or “That’s OK.”
  •    I wanted to always appear nice so never expressed anger or disappointment.
  •    I was overly helpful.

  Maybe you show more cleavage, leg, or muscle than normal. If it’s for marketing – beware!   Maybe you pretend you have more or less money than you do, maybe you say yes when you really mean no.  If you are doing this and more; you are in the Marketing Trap.

           Let’s face it we are human and we want to love and be loved.   Just don’t be false. The results are devastating. 

  •       When the “sizzle” starts to settle into reality one of you is left disappointed and angry. 
  •       Exhaustion sets in. Being fake is a waste of energy and bad for our health.
  •        It’s unfair not to be honest-more hearts are at risk of being hurt.


            Getting out of the marketing trap is a two word answer: BE AUTHENTIC. 

            Be yourself, no faking, no lying.

            Face and deal with any fears you have around being authentic.  The basis for any love is self love. 

 Be Authentic! No more Marketing!





Four weeks from today, I will be leaving the peace and quiet of Fairfield, IA (population 10,000), to give six workshops in six days.  I am looking to connect with three groups of people: men, women and couples (did I leave anyone out?).

One of the workshops is geared exclusively for men, The Power of Presence and Choice.   Let’s face it men, we are the weaker sex and I want to help us check up to the women on this planet.

  • Syracuse, NY on Tuesday, October 9, 7:30pm, CNY Healing      Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Wednesday, October 10, 7:30pm, Albany      area location TBA
  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 1pm, The      Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

The second workshop is for men and women, Responsible Speaking, Effective Listening for Deeper Relationships.   In my humble opinion, everyone can benefit from clearer communication.

  • Syracuse, NY on Monday, October 8, 7:30pm, CNY Healing      Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Thursday, October 11, 7:30pm, Unity      Church. 21 King Avenue, Albany, NY 12206

Finally, my week on the road culminates with a workshop for committed couples, Rituals for Intimacy.  Even couples who are Madly In Love Forever will discover a few tricks for nurturing their precious connection.

  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 8pm, The Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

I am looking forward to making new friends and re-uniting with old friends.  Although I will only be visiting three cities on this trip, I do plan to visit all fifty states of this great country by the end of 2013.

If you are live near these cities and want to invite me to speak at your group, please call me at 800-639-4505.

Do you want to know about other events near you? Then join this blog list, if you are not already on it.


All the best,

Lewis Denbaum

Relationship Success Expert/Author/Educator/Motivational Speaker

PO Box 189

Fairfield, IA 52556


www. MadlyInLoveForever.com




Tale of Two Men-Dating Question and Answers

Excited to tell you that our response to a question asked by a 58 year old women was published in the monthly Relationship Coaching Institute newsletter.  As  you scroll down to find our response certainly read the response of other RCI coaches.

Ask Our Coaches:

Which Man Should I Choose?

A Tale of Two Men: How do I choose?

“I’ve met two men that I really like …. How do I choose ?”

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we’ll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Dear Coaches,

I’ve met two men that I really like and both meet my requirements. I don’t fight with either of them, however I like different things about each one. I wish I could just combine them into one man! I’m 58 years old so I can’t be too picky either. One is 8 years younger than me and the other is 8 years older. How do I choose? Which traits are more important for a happy marriage? What’s your advice?


Jackie responds …

Conscious Dating is not limited to those under a certain age. The principles of Conscious Dating apply to everyone who is committed to asking and answering 3 questions: Who are you? What do you want? How can you get what you really want in life and love?

I invite you to seriously challenge your (faulty) belief that at 58 you are too old to be picky. After all, whatever you believe is true, is! It sounds like either one of these men would be a fine companion. But does either one touch your heart in that v-e-r-y deep place? Or curl your hair or knock your socks off? What if it is possible that neither one of these fine men is your ideal match!

If for a moment you decide to be “picky,” would you choose one of them to be your partner for life for the rest of your life, or would you decide to keep dating until you met the man who really did match all of your requirements? Please consider hiring a professional relationship coach to help you create your Conscious Dating Plan so you can choose the right man once and for all!

Dr. Jackie Black | www.DrJackieBlack.com

Maeve responds …

You are in a strong position to choose consciously for your love life, dating two men, both of whom meet your requirements. However, you wish you could combine them into one man, indicating something’s lacking somewhere.

You think you aren’t entitled to have what you want and “can’t be too picky at 58.” Write down all your relationship and partner requirements — your list of absolute must haves for the relationship to work.

Ask yourself “If I spent the rest of my life with this person, is there anything I would want to change about him?” Picture yourself with him in five, ten, twenty years. Pay close attention to your intuition and the feelings that surface for you. You may discover some truths that you’re currently unable to see. Write down your insights and compare them for each person.

The person you choose to spend your life with must be a good match for you, so don’t settle for less. Be clear about what you want for your relationship, choose someone who shares the same values as you and take your time to get to know people. There is no rush when it comes to choosing a life partner.

Maeve Crawford | www.becomingyourownsoulmate.com | 0800 270 7559

Nina responds …

You have 2 great guys to choose from and think you can’t be picky? If they aren’t asking you to make a commitment, there is no reason for you not to take more time and simply enjoy both of them while you decide. That combination guy might just show up!

If you’re ready to commit, both fit all your requirements and you like them equally, try this:

Spend one whole day imagining or pretending that you made the decision to commit to one of them. Spend the entire day assuming that you whole heartedly chose one of them and notice how you think and feel having made that decision. On a different day, imagine that you whole heartedly chose the other one. Again, notice how you think and feel having made the decision with no wavering. Repeat this process until you’re clear.

Consider what kind of “we” you will be forming with each of them. Who will most readily fit with your life vision? This will be the most important thing you’ll need to keep your relationship healthy and alive going forward.

Nina Potter | www.ninapotter.relationshipcoach.org | 1.651.773.0732

Denise responds …

Congratulations Sherrie on meeting two potential soulmates. If you feel that both men meet your requirements then there may be a good possibility that your requirements are too vague. Take your requirements and define out each detail until they are broken down to the smallest element.

Remember dating is a staging. Dating may be chemically and biologically enhanced. Everyone is in character and on their best behavior. Although both candidates appear to meet your requirements, on a day-to-day basis when you share living quarters, finances, domestic responsibilities, and extended families that may change the dynamics of your relationship altogether. So put these men through the litmus test.

Follow their actions and not their words. Words are merely intentions of what or who a person wants to be or intends to be. Actions define their character. Which man aligns more with your values, principles, priorities, morals, and ethics?

Also, a good relationship barometer is how responsive is each man to each one of your physical, emotional, and relational needs when it’s not convenient for him? How responsive is each one when there is absolutely no benefit for him? And, lastly which one shares a vision with you for the future?

Denise Wade Ph.D. | www.sweetharmony.net | 1.215.913.7997

Diane and Lewis respond …

Being 58 years old doesn’t relieve you of your responsibility to choose the best mate possible; we would not call it “picky”. This person could be your loved one for the next 30 years!

We suggest that you re-visit your requirements, including life vision, life purpose, values and needs. Make sure you aren’t overlooking something. How long have you tested the requirements with each man? Have you consulted the dating red flag checklist for insights into each of these men?

The only difference between the two men that you mentioned was age. Age and sexual energy can be a significant factor. How is your sexual energy and how does that match the energy of the two men, bearing in mind that the older may wane faster. There is a 16 year difference to consider here.
The older man may have health issues sooner or could pass on sooner than the younger man. Does that matter to you?

What else is in their environment that they would each bring to the relationship? Do either of them have children or parents that might consume their energy, time or money? Are they both still working or is one retired and the other working?

Diane and Lewis Denbaum | www.MadlyInLoveForeverForSingles.com | 1.800.639.4505


Announcing An 8 Week Conscious Dating Teleseminar

Join our 8 Week Conscious Dating® Self Discovery and Readiness Teleseminar and Discover:

  • Why “dating” doesn’t work
  • Being single is an opportunity, not a disease!
  • How to boost your self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Solid tools and strategies to “Be the Chooser”
  • What you can do when single to prepare for the life and relationship you want
  • How to use Conscious Dating principles and strategies to finally find the love of your life and the life that you love

The Conscious Dating Self Discovery and Readiness Program is an innovative approach to helping singles achieve this most important relationship goal. With all the self- help books for singles, dating “gurus,” and advice from well-meaning friends, dating and finding a partner should be easy. The truth is, and you probably agree, based on your own experience, most singles have a hard time finding lasting love. You need clear, proven strategies and steps to ensure your success. That’s what the Conscious Dating 8 week teleseminar will provide.

For more information go to www.MadlyInLoveForeverForSingles.com/readiness-seminar


3 Boomer Dating Traps

This in from the Relationship Coaching Institute:

This is a brand new era and your attitudes, expectations and actions can redefine how aging is perceived. You have an opportunity to set the bar. While Boomers can fall into any of the fourteen dating traps described in Conscious Dating, here are some that we have found to be most common to this age group-

Scarcity Trap- Thinking all the ‘good’ men or women have been taken,

are dead, or want younger partners

Packaging Trap- Thinking that an aging body is unattractive and being

uncomfortable or afraid of becoming sexually intimate with a partner

because your packaging isn’t ‘perfect’

Fairytale Trap- You desire a partner but inertia and the status quo seem

easier than being proactive in a search for a mate. You might think “if it’s

meant to be it will happen.”

Conscious Dating is a registered trademark of the Relationship Coaching Institute.


Conscious Dating Virtual Program Kickoff Sale!

Ready to finally find the love of your life? Ready to SAVE over $100. Diane and Lewis of Madly In Love Forever announce the ”newest online program for singles from the Relationship Coaching Institute — Conscious Dating Virtual Coaching Program.” Proven and tested over 15 years with thousands of singles. Stop struggling with loneliness and bad dates.
Click and see how Diane and Lewis of Madly In Love Forever can help you:  http://www.madlyinloveforeverforsingles.com/introducing-the-conscious-dating-virtual-coaching-program/

Read what the experts have to say about the Conscious Dating Program. Diane and Lewis are members of the Relationship Coaching Institute and teach the Conscious Dating Programs. 

In Conscious Dating, David Steele provides a new concept for dating and insightful advice, effective exercises and useful illustrations that will help anyone who uses them make their journey to love successful. We recommend this program to anyone looking for love.” – Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D., co-authors ofReceiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved

“Unconscious dating can lead to disaster. Given the serious effect of relationships gone awry, Conscious Dating is a must for singles who want to make better relationship choices. David Steele provides sound guidance and practical advice for today’s singles. – Pat Love, Ed.D. Author, The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy

David Steele has made a significant contribution to the world of relationships by mapping two previously foreign countries- consciousness and dating, bringing them together at last in this customized system. Packed with practical strategies that really work, Conscious Dating is THE program for helping singles navigate the dating world.” –Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving

This program is filled with practical strategies that work. Packed with solid advice, assessments and exercises, Conscious Dating will completely change the way singles view dating and relating. A must for anyone who wants to create his or her next great relationship.” –Eve Eschner Hogan, Author of Intellectual Foreplay and How to Love Your Marriage 

“Seeking to find the partner of your dreams can be a bruising process. Conscious Dating teaches you ALL you need to know to find a partner with whom to live a full life, starting NOW! This is THE program for every single who wants to find the love of your life.” –Bonnie Bernell, Ed.D, Author of Bountiful Women: Large Women’s Secrets for Living the Life They Desire.

“Diner” Movie Clip-Romantic Relationships

We found this clip from the movie Diner and wonder how it would be to coach this couple! After watching this clip,  let us know what it brings up for you about your past or current relationship.  Looking forward to hearing from you.