Tag: communication

Communication Tips -Assumptions-(Beware)

I teach Physical Education at a private school in the mornings.  I was teaching and playing kickball outside with my 9 and 10 year old students.

As we were walking back  to the school building Mary walked up next to me and told me that Jane was mad at her.  “How do you know that?” I  asked. ”She looks kind of mad or something,” answered Mary.

“Gee,”  I said to myself.  I do this and I certainly see the same happening to my clients: making assumptions. I suggested that she find Jane and ask  her if there was anything wrong. She did and a few minutes later Mary came running back to me to tell me that Jane was sad because her mom was out of town. Jane asked Mary if she could play after school!

Here is the powerful point. Ask before making assumptions to avoid misinterpretations and self projections.

The Marketing Dating Trap-What Is It-Learn More About the Marketing Dating Trap (Avoid It Now)

1.       WHAT IS IT

In the marketing trap you believe that you need to make yourself more appealing and “sell” yourself with an attractive packaging or presentation. The bottom line and the sad thing here is you have told yourself that you cannot be yourself. The risk: disappointment, anger and relationship failure.

 2.       WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR ME

Diane talks about the Marketing Trap.  I could write a book on the time I have spent in this trap! I probably could have won saleswoman of the year award! 

 Here are a few examples of the things I did to make myself more appealing. 

  •    I was overly agreeable.
  •    I rarely expressed an opinion. My line was “I don’t care, or “That’s OK.”
  •    I wanted to always appear nice so never expressed anger or disappointment.
  •    I was overly helpful.

  Maybe you show more cleavage, leg, or muscle than normal. If it’s for marketing – beware!   Maybe you pretend you have more or less money than you do, maybe you say yes when you really mean no.  If you are doing this and more; you are in the Marketing Trap.

           Let’s face it we are human and we want to love and be loved.   Just don’t be false. The results are devastating. 

  •       When the “sizzle” starts to settle into reality one of you is left disappointed and angry. 
  •       Exhaustion sets in. Being fake is a waste of energy and bad for our health.
  •        It’s unfair not to be honest-more hearts are at risk of being hurt.

3.       HOW TO GET OUT OF IT

            Getting out of the marketing trap is a two word answer: BE AUTHENTIC. 

            Be yourself, no faking, no lying.

            Face and deal with any fears you have around being authentic.  The basis for any love is self love. 

 Be Authentic! No more Marketing!

 

 

Madly In Love Forever » For Singles 2012-09-10 16:23:36

THE EXCITEMENT IS BUILDING!

 

Four weeks from today, I will be leaving the peace and quiet of Fairfield, IA (population 10,000), to give six workshops in six days.  I am looking to connect with three groups of people: men, women and couples (did I leave anyone out?). 

One of the workshops is geared exclusively for men, The Power of Presence and Choice.   Let’s face it men, we are the weaker sex and I want to help us check up to the women on this planet.

  • Syracuse, NY on Tuesday, October 9, 7:30pm, CNY Healing Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Wednesday, October 10, 7:30pm, Albany area location TBA
  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 1pm, The Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

The second workshop is for men and women, Responsible Speaking, Effective Listening for Deeper Relationships.   In my humble opinion, everyone can benefit from clearer communication.

  • Syracuse, NY on Monday, October 8, 7:30pm, CNY Healing Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Thursday, October 11, 7:30pm, Unity Church. 21 King Avenue, Albany, NY 12206

Finally, my week on the road culminates with a workshop for committed couples, Rituals for Intimacy.  Even couples who are Madly In Love Forever will discover a few tricks for nurturing their precious connection.

  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 8pm, The Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

I am looking forward to making new friends and re-uniting with old friends.  Although I will only be visiting three cities on this trip, I do plan to visit all fifty states of this great country by the end of 2013.

If you are live near these cities and want to invite me to speak at your group, please call me at 800-639-4505.

Do you want to know about other events near you? Then join this blog list, if you are not already on it.

 

All the best,

Lewis Denbaum

Relationship Success Expert/Author/Educator/Motivational Speaker

1848 Prairie Rose Circle

Fairfield, IA 52556

800-639-4505

www. MadlyInLoveForever.com

www.MadlyInLoveForeverForSingles.com

www.Facebook.com/MadlyInLoveForeverSingles

 

THE EXCITEMENT IS BUILDING!

 

Four weeks from today, I will be leaving the peace and quiet of Fairfield, IA (population 10,000), to give six workshops in six days.  I am looking to connect with three groups of people: men, women and couples (did I leave anyone out?).

One of the workshops is geared exclusively for men, The Power of Presence and Choice.   Let’s face it men, we are the weaker sex and I want to help us check up to the women on this planet.

  • Syracuse, NY on Tuesday, October 9, 7:30pm, CNY Healing      Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Wednesday, October 10, 7:30pm, Albany      area location TBA
  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 1pm, The      Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

The second workshop is for men and women, Responsible Speaking, Effective Listening for Deeper Relationships.   In my humble opinion, everyone can benefit from clearer communication.

  • Syracuse, NY on Monday, October 8, 7:30pm, CNY Healing      Arts Wellness Center and Spa. 191 Intrepid Lane, Syracuse, NY 13205
  • Albany, NY on Thursday, October 11, 7:30pm, Unity      Church. 21 King Avenue, Albany, NY 12206

Finally, my week on the road culminates with a workshop for committed couples, Rituals for Intimacy.  Even couples who are Madly In Love Forever will discover a few tricks for nurturing their precious connection.

  • Bozrah, Connecticut on Saturday, October 13, 8pm, The Centerspace Wellness Studio 46 Lebanon Road, Bozrah, CT 06334

I am looking forward to making new friends and re-uniting with old friends.  Although I will only be visiting three cities on this trip, I do plan to visit all fifty states of this great country by the end of 2013.

If you are live near these cities and want to invite me to speak at your group, please call me at 800-639-4505.

Do you want to know about other events near you? Then join this blog list, if you are not already on it.

 

All the best,

Lewis Denbaum

Relationship Success Expert/Author/Educator/Motivational Speaker

PO Box 189

Fairfield, IA 52556

800-639-4505

www. MadlyInLoveForever.com

www.MadlyInLoveForeverForSingles.com

www.Facebook.com/MadlyInLoveForeverSingles

 

Something besides a text…..

I am sitting here in our living room and in walks my 25 year old daughter. “What should I blog about?” I ask her. She finishes drinking her water and here is what she says.

“Talk about the importance of appreciation. I know so many girls that would rather find a napkin with a love note or a flower rather than receive a text message.  I know one thing-I and many of my friends love when someone wants to spend quality time with us. It’s so valuable-way more valuable than money could ever be.”

This made me think that maybe the new generation is missing some of what we in the older generation grew up with. So leave a note, a flower, take time for a walk…something other than a text.  I’m so glad I asked my daughter what to blog about!

Say “I Love You” in Your Partner’s Love Language

HeartsLearn to Speak Your Partner’s
Love Language For Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day from Madly In Love Forever! It’s that time of year when we want to communicate our love to our partner. Traditional Valentine’s Day gifts include chocolates, flowers and lingerie. Seems simple and yet, not all spouses feel loved by these gifts.

Why? As humans we give and receive love differently. Keeping this love alive in marriage takes awareness and the desire to do something about it. Marriages dry up when we don’t know how our spouses receive love.

Author and marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman, proposes five love languages and states that “people speak different love languages.” In linguistics, there are major language groups such as Spanish, German and Japanese. If we want to communicate in Spain, we learn Spanish. It’s the same in love. If we want to communicate love effectively, we must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language.

No matter how hard you try to express yourself, if your partner’s love language is different from yours, then you will never understand how to communicate love to your partner until you learn his or her love language. Dr. Chapman has found that many partners do not speak the same love language. That’s why many couples wonder — “What happens to the love after the wedding?”

Which love language is your partner primary love language? See if you can identify his or her love language from Dr Chapman’s five love languages.

Words of Affirmation

 

1. Language: Words of Affirmation

How to Tell: The person speaking this love language beams when they hear verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouraging words and kind words.

How to Speak: Give loves notes, cards, quotes, poems and compliments. Hide a note with words of appreciation under their pillow.

 

Physical Touch2. Language: Physical Touch

How to Tell: – The person speaking this love language feels love through touch. They yearn for their spouses to reach out and touch them physically.

How to Speak: Stroke their back, massage their body, hold their hand, kiss, embrace or have sexual intercourse.

Quality Time

 

3. Language: Quality Time

How to Tell: The person speaking this love language feels love when they have your undivided attention.

How to Speak: Be fully present with your partner by turning off the TV, computer and cell phone. Engage in activities such as eating, biking, walking, dancing or just lying in bed talking.

 

Acts of Service4. Language: Acts of Service

How to Tell: The person speaking this love language feels loved when something is done for them with generosity.

How to Speak: Vacuum the rug, hang a bird feeder, clean the car, cook a meal or paint a room. You can simply ask “Can I do anything for you?”

Gifts

 

 

5. Language: Gifts

How to Tell: The person speaking this love language feels the powerful message of love when they receive a gift.

How to Speak: Provide this person with a gift that demonstrates that you put careful thought into the selection of the gift. The price of the gift is insignificant! What is very important is that you are giving them what they want, not what you want.

Dr. Chapman understands that the love languages can overlap and yet insists that there is a predominant love language for every human being. To discover yours, ask yourself, “Which one can’t I live without?”

To assist you further in this inquiry, Dr. Chapman suggests you ask yourself the following three questions:

  • How do I show love to others? This may indicate how you want to be loved.
  • What do I complain about, or feel hurt about? The opposite of this may be my love language.
  • What do I request most often? Chances are this makes you feel loved.

Heart with WingsWhen you choose to speak your partner’s primary love language and there’s nothing but love in the air, your relationship can soar to new heights!

We appreciate Dr. Chapman for teaching us about the five love languages. In our book, Madly In Love Forever, we share more teachings and wisdom that have served us to love more, in greater detail.

Our final advice for Valentine’s Day: Figure out what Love Language your partner speaks and give him or her a present that speaks to his or her Love Language. It could be your best Valentine’s Day ever.

Madly In Love Forever-First Booksigning Is Today

It’s Saturday, October 16 on a gorgeous fall day in Fairfield, Iowa. There is a smorgesboard of events today in our wonderful town. No matter what you are choosing to do, be sure to stop by Revelations Cafe for out booksigning, “schmoozing” and refreshments. You can come between 2-4pm and 7-9pm. LOVE is in the air !!

Romantic Relationships: Can Careers Get In The Way?

The NewVision website out of Uganda reports that men and women are both spending more time developing their careers, leaving their partners feeling neglected.  Folks, we think the old saying “you can’t have your cake and eat it too'” comes in to play here.  We have NOT found a way to nourish a relationship without spending quality time with your partner.  If you are spending most of your time working, coming home tired and going to sleep, your relationship will suffer over time.  Pay attention to your relationship and find some balance.  Otherwise you may have more time on your hands to develop your career but no relationship!  We realize that there are times when jobs and careers must come first for a short period of time.  During these intense periods of work, use your best communication skills to demonstrate your love to your partner.  Then when the workload eases up, take a vacation or long-weekend together.

Nagging Women – Part 2

In my last post, I shared Michelle Weiner-Davis’ insight that women nag their men because they want to be more connected.  Here is more from Michelle.  Men, don’t feel relieved if your woman has stopped nagging you.   Women stop nagging when they have given up.  And when they give up, they start planning their exist!  My advice: Men always pay attention to your woman, do your part to nurture the relationship.  Daily!

Nagging Women – Part 1

Best-selling author and marriage therapist Michelle Weiner-Davis has an interesting twist on why women nag their partners.  According to Michelle,  “… a woman’s complaining has much more to do with her desire to feel close to her partner, to feel connected, than it has to do with her need for the dishes to get done.”  Michelle instructs men to take their partners’ nagging as an invitation to plan some quality time with their partners.