DATING TRAP # 1 – THE PACKAGING TRAP
What Is It
The packaging dating trap is one that men and women both easily fall into. In this trap it’s all about the outer. A man might only date a woman with a pretty face or shapely body. A woman might date men who drive fancy cars, have money or who have amazing abs and muscles.
People in this dating trap look at the outer packaging of their prospective dates–judging the book by its cover. Another aspect when caught in this trap, is that people believe that their self-worth and self- image will increase if they date someone who has a great package. But as the movie Shallow Hal points out, love is deeper than the outer appearance.
What Was It Like For Lewis
When I was younger, I did not feel good about my body. So I felt that if I dated a woman with an incredible body, people would think better of me. Like many of my contemporaries in high school and college, I dreamed about dating a number “10” woman (by society’s standards).
One time I did make a choice to date one woman over another woman because of her appearance. As I continued to date this woman, I realized that we really didn’t have that much in common and didn’t share the same values and visions. I had to admit to myself that I was attracted to the package, not to what was inside. This does not work.
How Lewis Got Out Of The Trap
After my second marriage ended, I had an experience that forever freed me from the packaging trap. At this point in my life, I was about 50 years old. I was driving my car in our little town of Fairfield, Iowa when spotted a woman who seemed 80 to 85 years old riding her bicycle. Her face was completely wrinkled. I was amazed to see a woman of this age on a bicycle.
It dawned on me : if I get into a relationship now and that relationship last 25 years, my wife might end up being wrinkle-faced too. In that moment I realized that the packaging of a person is not the only criterion to use when dating.
What I really wanted at this point in my life was a deep love connection. I am lucky. I have the deep love connection and I love how my wife looks.
Our advice to all of you out in the dating world is to look beyond the package, look deep into the whole person to ascertain whether this is someone you can love for the rest of your life. While chemistry is important in a relationship, chemistry is based on more just the package.